I need help removing her.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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