do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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