Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
