She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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