Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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