My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
