You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
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i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
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i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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