pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
