Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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