Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
