i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
