I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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