Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
