that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
