I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
