your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
