he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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