this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
