hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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