I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
