U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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