I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
