I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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