Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
