Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
