so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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