two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
