If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
