i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
