so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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