My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
