She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
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someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
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I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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