At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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