This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
