Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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