I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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