Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
