Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
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I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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