He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
