i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
There's always time for handjobs
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
