my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
