woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
