Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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