He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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