dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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