Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
