Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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