you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
one might say we're banned from that church
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize