So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
