just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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