if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
