Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
