oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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