my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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