you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
