Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
