apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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