this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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