I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
