i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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