he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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