Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
