AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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