Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
