Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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