Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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