C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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