I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
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