We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
