they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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