Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
