i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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