pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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