dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
