Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
