Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize