just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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