Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
